Setting the stage
The entry below from Jan. 11, 1999 was the first official blog/journal post I ever wrote with the intention of other people reading it. But I don’t think I actually ever posted it online. I found it in a text file on an old cd-rom.
I always thought I started blogging back in 1998, but no, not exactly. (1998 was particularly chock full of trauma, and not something I shared online at the time, so not surprised.)
I had a website I started in June 1997, and posted regular updates there, but nothing in journal form.
Also lately, I’ve been feeling like my memory is patchy, so discovering all these logs has been helping with jogging some dusty old neurons!
This whole project feels like finally reconciling some unfinished business.
“If you do not want to see me again. I would understand.”
Jan. 11, 1999
Today, first day of the 2nd Semester, oh yeah! It was awesome really it was, well overall til let’s say 4 pm. I will not get ahead of myself here. I froze my ass off walking a mile to Gage to go to my class. Coolie class cuz it’s just like intro to college basically (aka first year experience). I’m a slacker but hey it’s a credit. Anyways there’s this nummy hottie in there named Neil. I don’t plan on pursuing him. He is just delish eye candy!
I called my boyfriend Sam in between and it was all fine until I brought up I wanted a tongue ring and he suddenly was all pissy and said he had to go.
I had one more class – public speaking – today so I went to that and the coolie guy that reminds me of Regis is in it too! His name is Nicholas Michael Angelo. Hehehe… I have a good memory! That dude is soo cool.
The teacher is cocky, young, and sarcastic. He likes to use obscenities. He is cool too.
I got a call from Sam again at 4 wanting me to come over til he had class. I get to his room and we watched the Simpsons (I love Homer *DOH*) I was talking to him too but he was totally ignoring me! It was pissing me off! I hadn’t seen him in three weeks!
Grrr I went to dinner with him too and he was ignoring me even more and I was like fine meanie and went to sit with my friends after he was done. I was soo pissed. No one can treat me like shit.
I went back to my room and ranted and cleaned and got my webcam set up. Then I called Sam and asked him why he was being a prick. He apologized and said it wasn’t me, he just had something he has to help his bestfriend over the weekend and it was occupying his thoughts and he’d try not to drift off again. I was satisfied. I’ll see him tomorrow in Urban Studies… woohoo *I hope*.
Oct. 5, 2019 – Reprocessing
I was a Freshman at Minnesota State University at this point, but had only just turned 17, as I was a post-secondary student.
I also had been living in the Crawford Dorms for about 5 months and had broken out of my super introvert shy shell by this point. (The public speaking class helped too.)
I thought I broke up with Sam broke up between Thanksgiving and Christmas break, but I guess not. The next entry is from February, and we had broken up by that point… So I can expand on what I remember of that relationship.
I met Sam at a Kappa Sigma frat party around Halloween after I made friends with some girls from my hall, and they invited me along. I think we all went as sort of boho hippies.
This photo survived but I’m not in it.
Anyway, even though I was crazy drunk at that party and not exactly my best teen self, Sam and I started dating soon after.
Well FUCK ME – the photo was in a PDF I scanned of photos and I have to post it. So yeah…
What I remembered when recording a video blog about this was that I actually invited my friend, Philippe, who was a grad student from Montreal.
Nothing very serious, and it was all very innocent for college. Like sneaking around campus and kissing and that was about it. I think we went to the mall a couple times and hung out in his dorm, but his roommate was always there. So short story = yawn fest.
(Side note: I remember shredding the photos of how drunk I looked at that party a few years ago when I Konmari’d stuff.)
Ugh wait, this got dark real quick… Writing this out pings some other shit, as I’ve backtracked to talking about Halloween 1998.
I know the frat party I met him at wasn’t exactly on Halloween – probably soon before or after – as I was at a different Halloween party in my hometown where some real bad shit went down. (I will go into that at some point but not first blog post back after several years.) Yikes . . . COMPARTMENTALIZATION much?
UPDATE: I actually have my friends’ scanned photos from the actual Kappa Sigma Halloween party that I didn’t go to as I was back in my hometown, so the party I went to must have been in November and 1970s themed.
I digress… Sam was nice, but too distant. He always seemed to be thinking about something else when I was around. I remember his interests were basketball and The Simpsons as mentioned above.
Whoa – I just remembered some very tame late nights watching basketball and eating pizza. OMG SO MANY YAWNS. (See there were some neurons that just reconnected right there. It’s weird when it happens and I just SEE the scene. Of boredom… but it was quaint!)
I had obviously had it by mid-January and remember finally breaking it off. I think I saw him and he was being all distant. Then I went back to my dorm and cried to my friends as I didn’t want to be boyfriendless, and they reassured me I’d be fine, so I called him and broke it off.
No one can treat me like shit indeed. (I love that line! What happened to that girl?) Hopefully as I post more, I will figure that out!